One of the greatest earthly joys a man can possess is a home filled with peace, love, and unity. A faithful wife standing beside her husband is one of God’s greatest gifts. She strengthens him when he is weak, encourages him when he is discouraged, and helps him fulfill the work God has placed before him. Scripture says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). Marriage, as God designed it, is a husband and wife fulfilling their distinct, God-given responsibilities together.
Unfortunately, modern feminism has undermined the plain teaching of Scripture concerning the roles of husbands and wives. The Bible does not present marriage as a partnership without order. The husband is commanded to lead his home and to love his wife “even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Biblical headship is sacrificial. It carries authority, but it also carries accountability. The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and he will answer to God for how he fulfilled that responsibility.
The wife’s biblical response is submission and reverence. Ephesians 5:22 declares, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord,” and verse 33 commands that “the wife see that she reverence her husband.” She is not merely instructed to submit when she agrees with him or when she believes he has earned it. She is commanded to submit to her husband as she would submit to the Lord Jesus Christ. Her submission to her husband is an expression of her obedience to Christ and her recognition of the order God established within the home. These instructions are neither unclear nor conditional upon the husband being perfect. As soon as this subject is raised, someone will object, “But he does not give me anything to respect!” That objection does not change the commandment of God. A husband’s failure to love does not excuse a wife’s refusal to submit, just as a wife’s failure to submit does not excuse a husband’s refusal to love. Each will answer to Christ for faithfully fulfilling the responsibility He assigned.
Every Christian will stand individually before the Judgment Seat of Christ. “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12). The husband will answer for whether he loved his wife, and the wife will answer for whether she respected and submitted to her husband. Neither will be able to point across the judgment seat and blame the other. A preacher once wisely summarized it this way: “Men, love your unsubmissive wives; ladies, submit to your unloving husbands.” That is your lane. That is the duty God assigned to you. Another person’s disobedience never grants you permission to abandon your own responsibility.
A dysfunctional Christian home also ruptures the picture established by the apostle Paul. Marriage is intended to portray the relationship between Christ and His church. The husband represents the loving and sacrificial headship of Christ, while the wife represents the submission and faithfulness of the church to her Lord. Paul concludes his teaching on marriage by saying, “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).
Every Christian marriage is therefore preaching a message. A husband and wife may preach the truth with their mouths on Sunday while contradicting it through their marriage throughout the week. When a husband refuses to lead or love, he presents a distorted picture of Christ. When a wife despises her husband’s leadership and resists his spiritual direction, she presents a distorted picture of the church.
However, there is another painful reality that is seldom addressed honestly. There are men who sincerely desire to serve God whose wives continually stand in their way. Instead of being “an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18), the wife becomes another obstacle that must be overcome.
My heart is heavy for the many men in ministry who live under this burden. Yes, some women are married to selfish, cruel, irresponsible, or ungodly men. That is true and should be addressed plainly. But the failures of bad husbands do not erase the existence of unsubmissive and obstructive wives. Nor should the suffering of one group be invoked to silence an honest discussion about the suffering of another.
Men, if your wife has become an obstacle to your service, do not allow her failure to become an excuse for your own. Deal faithfully, kindly, patiently, and lovingly with her. Do not retaliate with bitterness. Do not embarrass her publicly. Do not neglect her legitimate needs and then pretend that your neglect is sacrifice for the ministry. Examine yourself honestly, correct your own failures, and love her as Christ loved the church.
But do not quit serving God merely because obedience has become costly. Christ must receive the preeminent.
Stay faithful to your marriage and refuse the temptations of resentment. When her conduct makes your path harder, bear that cross without allowing it to turn you into a harsh man. Her opposition does not release you from your duty to love her, and your duty to love her does not release you from your duty to obey God.
You will give account to God—and so will she.
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Amen
Excellent
Thank you